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Sunday, March 21st, 2004
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9:42 am
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So much crap has happened lately it's hard to think of it. Ryan and I broke up the 11th to take a break I guess you can say, I mean..we went out for 4 months almost. And we did need a break. And its gave me some time to think shit thru. And Jimmy and Poynter are fighthing..so that just makes thing even worse. ANd Poynter and Chelsi are I dunno..not really friends anymore I guess you can say. And Poynter is mad at me because I talk to her and Cory. I mean, just becuase doesn't like Cory doesn't mean I have to. I dunno...if you really stop and think about shit, you get to thinking that none of this will matter in the future. Like a fight with a best friend...is it really going to impact you in 20 or so years? Not really unless you break your friendship. Which does happen. I should be driving soon, all I gotta do is get insurance and tags for my car. Which is cool. And once that happens I'm going to get my class right from Ryan, he's tried giving it to other people becuase he doesn't want to face me and give it to me. But I won't accept the ring unless it's from him. Thats just how I feel. I don't really know if I'll go back out with him. He drinks way to much for me to handle, he drinks like every weekend, and calls me when he's drunk. I mean c'mon..I really don't want to put with it. I mean, I drink every now and then. But not all the time. I've actually gott'n better I think, I'm not as bitchy to everyone as I once was. I get a long with everyone, and not talk shit on them. I dunno, Jake Alden better have a free day this next weekend. because if he doesn't I'm gunna be mad. But anyway.. My tummy hurts and I have headache so I'm gunna go..laters...
current mood:  jubilant
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, March 4th, 2004
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7:05 am
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It's been a rough couple of days, I wake up in the middle of the night and think I'm talking to Ryan on the phone, when their isn't even a phone in my hand. It's pretty weird, because he's been doing the same too. I guess it's probably because we talk all the time on the phone right before we go to sleep, and our last thought is talking on the phone. I dunnno, it's pretty weird. I see myself falling right about now, I've beeen falling for the past year or so, but lately I've been telling myself, that I'm not going to keep falling till where I can't get back up. And no one is gunna be there to pick me up, or catch me in my fall. It's me that has to catch myself. I've been thinking about this for a long time now. And I've finally realized what I must do. But, it's my own doings, and no one elses, so I can't write it in here. But right now, I gotta go..because I'm wasting my time writing in this ....bye
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, February 14th, 2004
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1:00 pm
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Well, this has actually been a very interesting week. Yesterday was the 13, day before valentines day, and Ryan sent some roses to the school, it was half a dozen 3 reds, and 3 pinks, and they also had a lot of other little flowers in it...It costed him over 50 bucks and I'm like NO! NO! NO! To damn much...and on the card it said "From me" it made me laugh for some reason and everyone else to, because most the people in my grade have met Ryan before because I make them, or they decide to call me up while I'm with Ryan so we all just hang out. Well, Bryce gave me a ride home from school. and Then Poynter picked me up with Bryce and we crusied around doing stupid stuff like we normally do. Then we picked up Chris and drove around some till Ryan came to pick me up. We went and picked up Jimmy and Brooke and went to sonic then to the movies to watch 50 first dates. And then from there I came home, and was getting yelled at by Russel because I didn't give him his back rub. Today, David, Bryce, Chris, Jimmy, Ryan, and I are probably going to hang out..because there really isn't much to do. And anyway...I gotta go...do some chores and shit
Later
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
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6:05 pm
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Well, last night...Ryan came up and we went to the basketball game to see Chad, Chelsi, Lee, Eric, Bobby, Bryce and Shanny! David P and Brooke were there also...Ryan wasn't in a good mood becuase he got stopped for going 68 in a 45, and he got a ticket for it.. he was supposed to go to jail right then..I don't know why the cop didn't arrest him..But I'm glad he didn't go to jail, I dunno what I'd do. I'd go crazy or something. We stayed for some of the game, I caled Tyler because he was at home...and he was doin his homework. I asked him out on date...for his birthday which was like Saturday. And Bobby and I are gunna go on a date in May, and me and Chad are gunna on a date sometime..and Bop and I also..Yeah..I gotta guys on the list, Ryan wasn't too happy about it but oh well...And Brooke keeps calling him..and I mad e her cry because I'm not having her around Ryan anymore..because I don't trust her..but anyway...I'm gunna go...because I have to go to the game...
Latez
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, February 8th, 2004
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9:47 pm
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Well, This weekend was pretty fun
Friday...I waited for Ryan to get off work..and then we went over to Osborn to meet up with him, Jimmy, and Zack..I had Brooke and Poynter with me.. From there Ryan wanted to go to the movies...so Ryan took me to meet his Grandma and we went to the movies and stuff..It was fun..I like Ryan a lot..we get a long so well..and stuff. Then from there Jimmy and Ryan came inside and talked to Rick...like they usually do..My parents like em..which is good.
Saturday night, I had to wait for Ryan to get off work again =/.....but while Shannon, Poynter and I were waiting for Ryan..we went to Mary's party..where everyone was, it was pretty fun..Taylor and Bobby kept picking me up and shit. And Chad...makes me laugh so damn much. Elizabeth and I talked a little. Oh yeah..Beth was there..she said hey and stuff like that. Chelsi and Poynter were out side..doin their thing. I asked Tayler anderson on a birthday date because it was his b-day Saturday. He said sure..I was like "Rock on"... Then Ryan came into town..and Shanna, Shannon, Brooke, Poynter and I hung out with him.. and then we went to Osborn and drove around looking for Willie, Brandon, and Jimmy..Then we came back to Hamilton, and Ryan and I were talking and stuff, I can tell him just about anything and everything...He's much better than my past b/fs..he's just so AWESOME. Savannah was on her way home from work too and we got right beside her and shit, and we started talking it was kinda hard because of the wind..but she was going all over the road and stuff, it was funny..
Sunday...I do my chores and stuff...it was an alright day..I was tired as hell..but I got over it..and went out with Poynter for a while...and stuff. Ryan was sorta upset/dissappointed in me because I didn't go with him to his house to meet his mom and dad and stuff. His brother cracks me up thou..
Ryan keeps getting me stuff for V-day..I'm expecting some stuff Friday from Sara's flower shop >=(.....I hate it when he spends money on me. But I can't stop him. Ryan is coming to see me tomorrow...after school...I miss him already.. Him and I have been going out for about 2 months and half...it's amazing. Because everyone thought he would cheat on me or it wouldn't last. I'm glad I went with what I thought instead of listening to everyone else. Well, I am going to go now..I'll update this in the next week or to
Laterz
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| Thursday, February 5th, 2004
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1:09 pm
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Well shit...where should I start..
Well Ryan and I have been together for 2 months and half now....I'm really glad we are together...he's a really great guy and treats me good...I wouldn’t ask for anyone else....He came to the basketball game Tuesday to see me....and I was really happy too! A lot of my friends like him. Like Taylor, Tayler, Geoff, Lee, Bobby and lots of others. Bobby and I are getting a long really good lately. it’s kind of nice. I like Bobby he's a great guy. And Chad is like DAMMMNNNN...he's a sexy lil bitch let me tell you what! I think Ryan and I are gunna go bowling or something this weekend...Jimmy might be coming with us and stuff. Chelsi and Poynter are getting er done...I think they are pretty well going out now. Which is a good thing.. Things have been going really good for me lately...I've been doing better in school, and getting along with everyone...and getting new friends. I wouldn't change anything to what it was.. Things happen for a reason. and this is how I like it. Poynter should be coming anytime now to get me..so we can go have some fun....Yeah, that’s another thing, I haven't been home much which is good... I have to go running again..but I can't with all the snow and shit...I'm actually gunna do track I think this year, so I can get a letter and be able to say I actually stayed with something..and softball this summer too.
I can bench 130 now...more than what I weigh!! Which is really good, my clings are getting there I'm at 125 and my hip sled is 330..
Yep...I've been busy a lot with running, weight lifting...and all my extra time with Ryan and my friends.. I'm getting my job back..because I need to start paying gas and insurance on my car. Ryan wants to help me, but I don't want his money makes me feel bad..it also makes me feel like I'm using him, I told him that..I can pretty much tell Ryan anything and everything we just have this communication going on.
Brandon wants me to go hang out with him..sometime, same with Zack Thorpe and Jimmy, Brandon cracks me up so much...it makes me feel good.. he was also saying someone was telling him that I lie and shit, and everything like that....he doesn't like it when people talk about his friends so he blocked and deleted them...which is cool, fine with me..don't bother me none because I did the same thing.
Fisher came up last night, but I was to tired to go out, and plus I didn't want to see David Stewart because he gets on my nerves so damn much I just want to smack him, and he better stay off my property too..because I will call the cops for being on my property and for stalking..
Yep, that’s about it...oh yeah..Hannah I can care less of what you think..because I really don't care...so bye...
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, January 25th, 2004
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8:54 pm
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Yeah, it's been over a month for me and Ryan..I have to be truthful, I really didn't think that it would last this long, but I know he won't do anything stupid.
Well, Friday I went to Osborn to see Ryan, and such. It was pretty fun
Saturday at 12 Poynter and I went to Gallatin to go the basketball game to see Chelsi play. They won of course. And then Poynter and I came back to Hamilton and talked to Brooke P, for awhile. Then around 6 we went to Osborn to hang out with Ryan again, because his truck's back end locked up. We hung out there with Brandon, Jimmy, Markie, Haley, and Willie. After awhile Chad Claypole called me, and he told me to meet him at Wendy's I was like wth?! But anyway, so we went to Cameron to meet up with Chad, Geoff, Lee, Taylor, Jamie and Russel. It was great. I got a hug from everyone I felt special. Ryan and I are getting closer and shit, I really do like him so much, that I would almost say I love him, but I can't because I know in the long run we will end up breaking up, nothing ever lasts. But, yeah...Today is Sunday...and yeah, I didn''t do shit today..except to Ryan.
Yep....well I'm gunna go, I'm waitin on Ryan to call
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| Friday, January 16th, 2004
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7:16 am
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Yep...I've been doing good. I've been studing like crazy thou, I gotta pass all the finals..because it's me, and I went running yesterday...1/2 a mile WOOT!!! Yes, it's amazing and your probably wondering why..well I'm gunna do track..!! this year, because I gotta get my letter, and so that means I will be in the weight room after school on Tuesday and Thursdays starting the 20th, Ohh yeah, I'm gunna be lifting weights 4 times a week. Well, anyway..after I went running, Poynter told me I had to go to the basketball game, so I walked my happy ass to the basketball game. And I talked ot Taylor, and Lee, and Chad sat in between my legs, I was like HEY BABY! But anyway..Chelsi was all over Poynter once again, and Poynter was loving every minute of it, and then Josh D, comes and I was asking him questions, and he wouldn't stop looking at I mean, so I told him to shut the fuck up, and go and read the book of mormon, or something. Then Brad Stubbs showed up, I'm like WTF man...and Poynter and I left, I had to give my hugs to people, and we rode around with Brad Stubbs for awhile then I went home yes, and I talked on phone from about 10:30 to 12:45, yeah I feel a sleep once on Ryan, my bad...but yeah, it's been 4 weeks for me and him, and he hasn't cheated on me yet, so I'm really happy, he says that he hasn't been in a long relationship for a while now, and I'm like HA HA..but anyway, I'm in a good mood, I dunno way, but yeah, I gotta go
Later
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
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5:21 pm
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Welp...I'm finally putting my foot down
I just blocked or deleted bunch of people on my AIM and MSN...for I don't want to talk to them..
And really, I dont' care <3
Thank you for you time
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, November 30th, 2003
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2:44 pm
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InduStriAlzombEE: I BET MY PENIS IS HARDER.
InduStriAlzombEE: The Lord makes my penis quiver with excitement.
InduStriAlzombEE: This is making my penis hard.
C0ldDem0n: And he said he wanted to give you hickies on your chest.
C0ldDem0n: ANd he wants to satsify your nightly urges.
InduStriAlzombEE: Nooo, I have my cat for that.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, November 24th, 2003
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5:53 pm
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Well, my weekend was pretty cool actually, Friday I felt like shit so I stayed home, but Shannon and Jimmy did stop by to talk to me for a bit, and they were "GEEZ you look sick" and I was "Damn Straight" but anyway....Then Saturday came, my motherly figure said no to me going to see Reba for some fucking reason, thats unknown, but I really didn't want to be stuck in a vehicle with two rather annoying people..but, I myself, is rather annoying...but thats all good. But then SHannon just magical appears in my room and I"m OMG!! SHannon lets fuck, and she just started laughing her ass off, then I went down stairs told my motherly figure off, and went with Jimmy and Brandon <3....Brandon really amazes me..he has this really nice chevy truck, it's so fuckin high I can't even get in it..because I'm so fucking short. *sniffles* it's all good, well we drove around for awhile, then we went to Shannon's house. Where David P, and David H were there, and Hill was all over me...It made Brandon really mad I think..But then Hill and Poynter were leav'n so I went out there to say good bye, and give them their hugs and kiss on the cheek..well Hill shoves me in the car, and I'm like "............" yeah it was pretty awesome, HIll told me he had this crush on me for quite some time...and I was like "RIIIIIIIIGHT" and shit.. So, then we went to go pick up some kind of truck that wasn't a truck because it was horrid. But on to the subject, I was talkin to Poynter then all over a sudden Hill grabbs my chin and turns it towards him and he fucking kisses me, and I was HEY!...and I didn't know what to do so I went a long with it. But then I was like okay, this ain't right. So, I told him that, because I like Bruce and Brandon, but see I never really get to see either of them. But it's all good, I"ve been kinda down recently...I dunno, I guess my looks have been bothering me..But anyway, Sunday, Josh comes here, I didn't recognize him at first he looked like he has ate in like 23894u239 days, his cheeks are all sucked in and shit, and it was "EW" But yeah..it was interesting..and here I am now, Monday...wow..I feeeel like shiiiiiiiiit
*Jessie
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| Saturday, November 8th, 2003
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4:45 pm - Yep
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Okay, last night Shannon came by to pick me up in her daddy's Chevy z71 sliverado...and he uses it as a firethingy so it has some SHIT in it!! OH MAN!! We went to the football, we lost, but I already told Lee that they would. Levi and Bryce kept me warm, till I got up, and talked to Drew, Colby, Micheal, and Brett. They all took their turns keeping me warm, then Heather, Shannon and I went to the truck and stayed warm then we went up town and cruised a little, we did a durn out it was great. Then we went to Shannon's house to see if she could stay at Heather F's house. Then we drove around a little longer then came to my house..we stayed here a little bit, then we went to Cameron...and there we crusied a little bit, then we went to Wal-mart and walked around like morons. Till Heather seen some gay guys, and let me tell ya they were fucking sexy mutha fuckas..So, Heather started yellin at them tellin them that they were sexy and shit. Then after we went to Wal-mart we went to Sonic and there were these fine ass guys and Heather..omg, told the guy that gave us our food that she was talking to some imaginary friend or something like that, I bet that dude thought we were fucking stoned off our asses..then The guys in the truck next to us were about our age, and they were hittin on us, so we shined our blue light on them..haha..it was great. But then we had to go because Shannon wanted to talk to Jimmy her b/f, so we started to leave and she did a burnout in sonic's parking lot..haha Shannon is something else let me tell ya. Well went back to Heather's then we snuck out of the house at 1:20 and went to a cemantry and then back to Cameron, we got home about 3ish..we watched Enough then went to bed...and then I got here about 12..and now here I sit...<3<3 yes, great times. That was my night
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, November 1st, 2003
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10:43 pm
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Okay, Thursday we got out a half day which was like "HOLY SHIT" I went to see Devin <3<3...Everyone is tring to hook him an I up, and it's like "BLEH" it's all good though...Lets see, Thursday, I went and rode dirt bikes an 4-wheelers all day...an then I went to Gladstone with Dusty to get his new truck he got since his mazda is like dead...Then Friday Hollween...I went to Cody's house for a while, then I went with Hannah an Josh D, we went to Kidder an such...we had fun an shit like that, then we got ready for Halloween, we went around town for a little bit then we went to the football game it was really exciting, I got three kisses on the cheek, and my track hoodie stolen from the "dick head" and Bryce <3<3 let me borrow his hoodie, I felt really bad for him because he was freezing his balls off, which is pretty sweet, but yeah, everyone was getting into trouble an such..David P..got pulled over, and Issac got arrested which is funny as hell, someone put a port-a-potty in the fourway, so they pushed it out of the way with the police car..it was pretty interesting, then we went to Will Henry's house, watched some movies, it was pretty exciting and stuff. I had a great time...<3<3...I wouldn't have wanted any other way.
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| Sunday, October 19th, 2003
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10:27 pm
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Yeah, thats right, I am a peice of shit, an I want to know what lies? AN yes, I've fucking told you that I'm fucking worthless, but no everyone just had to fucking say "Oh Jessie no your not" an I know I am, an yes, let me repeat, I am a fucking peice of shit...what else can I say. An, if you want me gone, I'll go...all you have to do is say "JESSIE I FUCKING HATE YOU, JUST FUCKING LEAVE" an I will....an none of you will ever have to look at my fucking pathetic self again......so..yeah...
I'm a fucking dumbass, an you know what else, I can't fucking love anyone till I learn how to fucking love myself...an you know what I FUCKING HATE "ME" yeah, so your not the only one...I never have liked myself, not one fucking thing...So...go head...say more stuff.
Thank you Hannah for everything you done for me, an I'm sorry I never treated you like a friend or even a person. I know your right, so I'm not even going to agrue you back, but I just want to say is that I'm glad you were here for me an you stuck by me for this long
Bye
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(9 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, October 18th, 2003
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10:53 am - ...
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I haven't wrote in this for ever....I guess I thought I was to busy for the "computer" when it is "my" life. I've been thinking about a lot of things. Especially Ree...I really feel guilty, how Hannah an I treated her, well mostly me.. Then I lost the best thing in my life because of my stupidity...no one will ever understand me ever.. I'm always the one to left...that’s always trying to do things for other people, but I can't....And the one that wants to fit in, an tries to hard an loses her best friends. I'm the with the mouth that always tries to act cool, yeah, I might do most of it for attention...but when you don't get enough attention at home, there really isn't much you can do now is there?! I've been sitting at home for last week or so. I wanted Ree to come down last night, but I couldn't find Hannah because she just ups an leaves....her best friends, for people who she thinks are her friends...but I guess I'll probably for give her, I thought today was Reba's b-day, I don't know why I just did...I feel really stupid now, an I have all these reasons to feel all retarded....I guess my mom was right I am fucking worthless...there's no use for me here anymore...I can't do jack shit that’s right, I throw away my only true friends...an I don't know what to do now...I guess I'll just lock myself up in my room...an sit here on my computer...until someone that really cares either calls/comes over or something, I don't know what to do...I've been so fucking nerves lately I can't stop shaking....it's like all the shit I've pulled an shit is starting to come back towards me...an I all I want is to have it back in the old days...ya-know...but it can't happen...I guess we've all went our own ways...I wish we didn't I wish I could do something, but I can't do much anymore, because I have to work on the weekends, at least I'm trying to make it on my own, that’s a plus I guess. Well, I know what I did wrong, an now I must fix it some how..some way..-.-;;
c-ya
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| Monday, September 1st, 2003
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11:04 pm - Ya-buddy
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Yeah, yeah, I haven't wrote in this that much..I don't know why, I Have the time, but I just don't feel like typing it all <3
Okay....Friday I went to Parkville, to see my David...We went to see a movie with REe, an then we went an like cruised.. Oak something...an like these guys in the this truck were like danceing, an they were pointing at us because we were danceing an stuff, then after awards they started following us...it was kinda kinky <3, Then we went to taco bell, an ate that an went to Ree's where....we dropped off Ree...an stuff
Then I went to Fisher's house to stay the night...Amanda, Tina, Bruce, Andy, Chris, an Daniel were all there, an we all got drunk...with Vodka, Andy an Daniel were smoking weed an stuff...an after a while I got really sick an went to the bathroom an puked twice, an then I passed out in the bathroom, then I woke up, an went to sleep in the computer room, an Amanda came in, an was like "ARE YOU OKAY" an she like feel on the floor I was like "GIGGLE GIGGLE" o.O;; yeah, I was laughing..anyway, thats Friday Night.
Saturday morning I woke up, an Fisher an Tina went to work, Andy left around 3 am...an Amanda left about 5 am in the morning...so It was just Daniel an I. We talked about his mom an stuff, it was kinda of scary if ya'know what I mean, an he was getting ready to have some of his friends come over an smoke some weed, he was getting it ready on the table...an then David showed up, an we went to his house, sat around for a while. We picked up Ree, an went mudding sorta an went to Jake's house...sat around there, an like watched some poorly made movie called "Spiders" I think...It was kinda weird..then we left, I went to Fisher's house to stay the night again...which was cool, an stuff...
Sunday...I went to church with David an his family (YES CHURCH!! CAN YOU BELIEVE I CAN"T) *dies* anyway it was pretty fun then we went out to the eat with the family Ryan kept smiling at me, it scared me...then David an I went to his house, watched scary movie, his parents showed up, an they stayed for a bit, an left to go to the movies, an we watched "Meet the Parents" an then we went to Hamilton
Monday
We got up, kinda stay around for a long time, till me an David were like "HEY LETS GO FOR A RIDE" so I drove Jimmy to Gallatin, an to like weird places that David has never been, then we got Jimmy stuck an stuff...it was pretty sweet...we were near the river an stuff. Then I drove home from the Gallatin area...we came back home...an then we went an like started working on my car an stuff, an got it ready for tomorrow, for it will be running tomorrow *ScREAMS* yes!! MY sexy camaro...an then David left...because yeah o.o;; it was late, an now I'm here, sitting tring to get tired an stuff..but it's not working, so yeah..I'm sitting here waiting for some random person to IM me...to give me something to do..but yeah, I gunna go now, I hope you had fun an stuff
<3
current mood:  amused
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
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10:38 am
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Theevildance
is happy. |
| You're a rosy-cheeked ray of f'ing sunshine 24/7. I bet you smile a lot and little things don't get you down. Must be nice. Fuchsia's definitely your color. |
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color? enter your username and hit the button.
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Ya....buddy o.O;;
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, August 25th, 2003
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1:53 am
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C0ldDem0n: I'm gunna seduce you, and violate you, penetrate you, desecrate you, and then.. rape you. yes. that's right. Sir. And you won't even remember it in the morning. But you'll have an all-over good, warmn feeling.
C0ldDem0n: And your ass will burn like hell.
AcidicJokaXIII: Aw.
AcidicJokaXIII: I'd like that. <333
current mood: amused
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12:52 am
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YEah, buddy. YEah, buddy. *does the yeah, buddy dance* Ooh, yeah. XD I like monkeys. CRack monkeys. YUM. BEEF MONKEYs are WONDERFUl. Yummyness. Hmm.. That's all for now, folks!
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
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3:45 pm
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Heh..
Yesterday started out really bad..I called my Dad an asked why isn't here if my birthday an he said he forgot an that he was working an threw the phone on the ground an started cring (I'm a baby...yeah I know) I was lonely for most of the day..until David, Ree, Jake, Fisher came by I was really suprised they came all that way to see me...It really made me happy..
I slept forever today...I've been thinking a lot...what if I'm hurting David? What if I'm not good enough for him? Or any of my friends? I always feel like that everything I do for them..isn't good enough for them...or isn't perfect enough...I yell at David for no reason at all just because he might be around me..or just there at the time..I get mad at myself...for being a stupid...ugly..fat..girl.....that can't do anything right.
I always hurt the people that help me the most...David has helped me so much..that I haven't cut myself...I've been eating....I think he helps me take my mind off other things... I dunno...Sometimes I feel that he needs someone better than me or he could do a lot bettter than me...I'm not that great? I mean..I"m not that good looking, I'm fat...short..I have very ugly eyes...an my face is just bleh!
Another thing someone told me last was that I put myself down to much..which is true..maybe thats why I'm thinking about stuff I dunnjo...anyway...sorry about my complaining(ness)
I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings anytime to anyone >.>;; that reads this.. </3
current mood:  gloomy
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